I use ChatGPT every day for coding problems, copywriting, and SEO stuff. And for random information gathering. It's great at searches.
Addiction was a big part of my life for decades, as you already know.
I spent many years with addicts of all kinds after I got sober, and the hardest part about that is watching people relapse continually.
It's so sad to see someone start to get things together only to give up under the slightest pressure and go right back down. Relationships ruined, years wasted.
I’m wondering William, what’s your take on things like interventions? Do they ultimately work? Or do most people that get sober (and stay sober) do it basically on their own? Because they finally decide enough is enough?
They ONLY ever do it when they decide to. That's the critical part.
You can do an intervention, cry, scream, beg, prove that it is destroying, or has destroyed, their lives and relationships, but, it's exactly like giving advice to a teenager, it doesn't matter if it's 100% accurate and useful information, until they are ready to change for whatever reason, they will not.
It's super frustrating for everyone. With me, it was when I was losing my parental rights to my daughters. And then after that still happened, I was hellbent determined that when I did see them again, I could truthfully say that I never went back to the addictions that were a big part of why and how that all went down.
I was mid-forties, old enough to be tired of it, and desperate not to lose my kids.
And then I refused to be permanently labeled as a piece of shit by the courts and the decision makers who weren't willing to trust that I could stay sober.
So here we are, 15 years later. No AA, just a thinking tweak that using/drinking was no longer an option when things didn't go my way.
I lived in a sober living house for 2.5 years and watched hundreds of men come and go. And no matter what knowledge and strategies I shared, 99.99% relapsed and continued the habits that harmed them and everyone around them.
Relapse, and going to AA and getting the hugs and compassion, and getting that from spouses or parents, is just as, or even more, addictive than the drugs and alcohol.
I saw too many times the way guys, and girls, would crave that special attention they got after they fucked up and drank or used.
So AA, as much good as it does, is also part of the use/relapse cycle.
It's unfortunate, but sadly true.
Until you decide that using is no longer on the table as an option, you cannot possibly stay sober.
You can work steps and go to meetings and read the big book until your eyes bleed, but if you draw that line in the sand that says "one more 'fill-in-the-stressor-here' and I am going to drink or use", then you will eventually relapse.
I've had many friends die in the last 15 years that I've been sober.
Don’t let me put words in your mouth, but it sounds like the best thing to do if you have someone in your life like that is to just cut off your relationship with them and let their addiction run its course?
That would depend on the addiction level (drug-meth, heroin?) and your pain tolerance.
I wouldn't cut off a relationship unless it violated my personal boundaries.
That's a very personal decision.
But I will say that you should never let yourself be hurt or used by anyone, no matter the relationship you have with them.
If they are stealing from you, then they need to stay away. If they are verbally or physically abusive, then stay away.
If they are just getting drunk or high and promising to 'never do that again,' then I wouldn't cut someone off entirely for that, but I personally couldn't be there to watch that over and over for years.
I do believe in second chances.
I would say you have to decide if you are doing more harm than good, and decide from that knowledge.
Or, is it harming you and others?
There's really not one single answer. People are different, and circumstances are different for everyone.
I think most of us have had some exposure to addiction issues, whether with ourselves, family or friends. The key thing to me is the addict must desire sobriety - without that, it will be a fruitless exercise - good luck - I hope your friend gets the help he needs.
Haven’t followed you long enough to know whether or not you have kids. If you do I’d say get one asap. If you don’t I don’t think it’s that big a deal.
You two are great cultural critics. Good points about AI! The map analogy is right on. How do we prevent technocrats from dictating the information we believe to be true?
I use ChatGPT every day for coding problems, copywriting, and SEO stuff. And for random information gathering. It's great at searches.
Addiction was a big part of my life for decades, as you already know.
I spent many years with addicts of all kinds after I got sober, and the hardest part about that is watching people relapse continually.
It's so sad to see someone start to get things together only to give up under the slightest pressure and go right back down. Relationships ruined, years wasted.
I’m wondering William, what’s your take on things like interventions? Do they ultimately work? Or do most people that get sober (and stay sober) do it basically on their own? Because they finally decide enough is enough?
They ONLY ever do it when they decide to. That's the critical part.
You can do an intervention, cry, scream, beg, prove that it is destroying, or has destroyed, their lives and relationships, but, it's exactly like giving advice to a teenager, it doesn't matter if it's 100% accurate and useful information, until they are ready to change for whatever reason, they will not.
It's super frustrating for everyone. With me, it was when I was losing my parental rights to my daughters. And then after that still happened, I was hellbent determined that when I did see them again, I could truthfully say that I never went back to the addictions that were a big part of why and how that all went down.
I was mid-forties, old enough to be tired of it, and desperate not to lose my kids.
And then I refused to be permanently labeled as a piece of shit by the courts and the decision makers who weren't willing to trust that I could stay sober.
So here we are, 15 years later. No AA, just a thinking tweak that using/drinking was no longer an option when things didn't go my way.
I lived in a sober living house for 2.5 years and watched hundreds of men come and go. And no matter what knowledge and strategies I shared, 99.99% relapsed and continued the habits that harmed them and everyone around them.
Relapse, and going to AA and getting the hugs and compassion, and getting that from spouses or parents, is just as, or even more, addictive than the drugs and alcohol.
I saw too many times the way guys, and girls, would crave that special attention they got after they fucked up and drank or used.
So AA, as much good as it does, is also part of the use/relapse cycle.
It's unfortunate, but sadly true.
Until you decide that using is no longer on the table as an option, you cannot possibly stay sober.
You can work steps and go to meetings and read the big book until your eyes bleed, but if you draw that line in the sand that says "one more 'fill-in-the-stressor-here' and I am going to drink or use", then you will eventually relapse.
I've had many friends die in the last 15 years that I've been sober.
Thanks for your thoughts William
Anytime!
Don’t let me put words in your mouth, but it sounds like the best thing to do if you have someone in your life like that is to just cut off your relationship with them and let their addiction run its course?
That's a tough one.
That would depend on the addiction level (drug-meth, heroin?) and your pain tolerance.
I wouldn't cut off a relationship unless it violated my personal boundaries.
That's a very personal decision.
But I will say that you should never let yourself be hurt or used by anyone, no matter the relationship you have with them.
If they are stealing from you, then they need to stay away. If they are verbally or physically abusive, then stay away.
If they are just getting drunk or high and promising to 'never do that again,' then I wouldn't cut someone off entirely for that, but I personally couldn't be there to watch that over and over for years.
I do believe in second chances.
I would say you have to decide if you are doing more harm than good, and decide from that knowledge.
Or, is it harming you and others?
There's really not one single answer. People are different, and circumstances are different for everyone.
I think most of us have had some exposure to addiction issues, whether with ourselves, family or friends. The key thing to me is the addict must desire sobriety - without that, it will be a fruitless exercise - good luck - I hope your friend gets the help he needs.
Thanks Bill. Yes, that’s what I hear as well.
I don’t have a will either.
Haven’t followed you long enough to know whether or not you have kids. If you do I’d say get one asap. If you don’t I don’t think it’s that big a deal.
I have kids. I should probably have one.
Definitely. The process is a pain but I’ve just heard too many horror stories of what can happen without one.
You two are great cultural critics. Good points about AI! The map analogy is right on. How do we prevent technocrats from dictating the information we believe to be true?
Thanks Moorea! I don’t know if there is an answer to that. Which is scary.