Living in Germany, I've noticed people don't ask "What do you do?" nearly as often. Work is just less emphasized here. This is where I'm supposed to be a good expat and say, "Isn't that nice. They value other things." But, actually, I miss it. "What do you do?" is a great way to keep a conversation going. And you learn so much about a person by the profession they picked, or fell into. I wonder if that's why Germans are often so bad at small talk. They're missing out on a huge area of potential conversation, and are left with...the weather.
I like that question too, Lee. It's a great, open-ended question that can lead to a lot of interesting stories. And I enjoy hearing about people's bumpy job path. Greetings from Poland!
Polish is a language I don’t understand. 😆 Every time I learn a word, I forget it. But people are kind. I’m leaving in a month. (Normally I spend 3 months in each place, but this summer was upended).
I was a teacher, but never felt compelled to wear old lady dress. Never had a summer off either. Trying to figure out the answer to the what do you do question in retirement. I might say I’m writing, but haven’t brought myself to say I’m a writer.
Great question, Henny. The best response of course is, “About what?” Having spent 43 years as an accountant of some sort, I think that answer is pretty boring. But, I’ll have to work on developing a more intriguing response.
Since my girls got into school, I’ve made a hyper conscious effort to not ask another parent at school or at my girls’ gym unless they bring it up first. It’s not that I don’t care. I just don’t like being identified by how I pay bills. And I generally deploy that approach toward others. If it’s clear they like what they do, I’m happy to talk about that as much as they’d like. Values > how they make $
If someone asks me, I answer succinctly, in a way that (I hope) isn’t rude, but makes it clear I’ll gladly talk about 47 other things instead of my job. And that usually plays out comfortably enough. Unless the other person is really into jobs, titles and all that BS. And then I have what I need to be even more succinct. 😎
So glad for this comment Matt. I will often try to divert the conversation in this manner as well.
And just yesterday I saw a good video on how to do it. Instead of the “what do you do”, ask “what are you doing right now that is exciting for you?” Or, “do you have anything exciting going on right now?”
Immediately, whoever you are talking to is encouraged to talk about whatever it is they love to do. Which for most probably isn’t work.
I’m gonna give this a try ….at least in the situations where I remember to 🤣🤪
This is a great alternative. Used it twice today at a kids’ birthday party and it was great. One parent almost seemed to be relieved to not talk about work.
I have a few answers to this question depending on who’s asking, how interested I think they actually are, and my mood at the moment. “I’m in marketing.” “I work at a marketing agency.” “I’m a copywriter and creative director.” “I’m a writer.” I should probably just choose one and be done with it.
When I’m the asker, I really am interested. I love to ask people questions about their jobs, especially if I don’t know much about their profession.
Poor CPAs. Deservedly or not, they really are the stereotypical “boring job” punching bag. My best friend is a CPA. I should ask him if he hears that a lot.
I DREAD this question since deciding to stay home with my daughter two years ago. I truly never know how to answer. I am not done forever in my field, but I am on pause. However it’s seems like way too much to share 😂
Yes, this is me essentially. It’s a long answer and I know the vast majority of people that ask me this question really don’t wanna hear the actual answer.
That’s funny, I have 3 as well….but no good answers to the inevitable follow up questions I get after using any of them.
If the comment section on this piece tells me anything, I really just need to start saying “writer” and be ok with people judging me on the fact that I haven’t published anything traditionally.
Goll-darn labels. At my paid job, my time is split between being an executive assistant and a liaison to a board of trustees. I get paid one salary for both but people get much more excited about my work managing board activities than staff activities. Go figure.
I always answer the question of “what do you do” with this: “I’m a writer.” Even though that’s not currently my job title. I am currently in fundraising, donor engagement, specifically. But since grade 4, I’ve known I was a writer and would be a writer…whether I get paid to do so or not. For most of my career, I did do writing in some form or another. And technically, I do write thank you notes to donors, currently. But I always say “writer,” because it is my identity. It is who I am.
Good for you, Angie! And some of the best writing is unpaid. (I'm not saying that's how it should be; it's just the unfortunate current state of the world).
I am trying so hard to have that be my answer. The other day I met a new person and they asked me that question….I chickened out and said I was “trying” to be a writer. I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to just say it.
Henny, I encourage you to embrace the fact that you are a writer, because you ARE writing! And if that’s the answer you want to give, give it…own it bravely and boldly. You are living it, so might as well share it!
I usually say I build websites and do marketing and SEO for businesses.
Their response is usually something along the lines of "oh that's cool".
If it's a lead/prospective client, I say "I can help get you leads and new customers" and then I'll explain how we do that.
And that's by either fixing up a website by adding new content, or building a new one, and then doing local SEO, and maybe some marketing, like Google ads, social ads, various things - depending on their industry.
And the response to that is typically "What are the next steps?"
And that's because I've already researched their business and have prequalified them, so I already know that's what they want. They want more leads, more customers, and more income.
And that's exactly what I can do for them, so they are receptive to that concept, and it's helping rather than selling/pitching.
Living in Germany, I've noticed people don't ask "What do you do?" nearly as often. Work is just less emphasized here. This is where I'm supposed to be a good expat and say, "Isn't that nice. They value other things." But, actually, I miss it. "What do you do?" is a great way to keep a conversation going. And you learn so much about a person by the profession they picked, or fell into. I wonder if that's why Germans are often so bad at small talk. They're missing out on a huge area of potential conversation, and are left with...the weather.
Have you tried using it there? (even if others don’t)
No. I think I’d just get weird looks.
Ha. Fair.
I like that question too, Lee. It's a great, open-ended question that can lead to a lot of interesting stories. And I enjoy hearing about people's bumpy job path. Greetings from Poland!
Poland?!? You moved again - when?
Yup, I’m a digital nomad. I’ve been here for a week and a half.
Thoughts so far? How long are you planning to spend?
Polish is a language I don’t understand. 😆 Every time I learn a word, I forget it. But people are kind. I’m leaving in a month. (Normally I spend 3 months in each place, but this summer was upended).
Exactly! It’s a great conversation opener.
Hello from Bavaria!
I was a teacher, but never felt compelled to wear old lady dress. Never had a summer off either. Trying to figure out the answer to the what do you do question in retirement. I might say I’m writing, but haven’t brought myself to say I’m a writer.
High five, Paul! I was a teacher too.
I’m having a hard time with this to Paul.
What was your summer job (or jobs) when you were teaching?
Great question, Henny. The best response of course is, “About what?” Having spent 43 years as an accountant of some sort, I think that answer is pretty boring. But, I’ll have to work on developing a more intriguing response.
I agree, that does sound boring 🤣. Just kidding, my wife is an actuary. Doesn’t get much more boring than that!
Since my girls got into school, I’ve made a hyper conscious effort to not ask another parent at school or at my girls’ gym unless they bring it up first. It’s not that I don’t care. I just don’t like being identified by how I pay bills. And I generally deploy that approach toward others. If it’s clear they like what they do, I’m happy to talk about that as much as they’d like. Values > how they make $
If someone asks me, I answer succinctly, in a way that (I hope) isn’t rude, but makes it clear I’ll gladly talk about 47 other things instead of my job. And that usually plays out comfortably enough. Unless the other person is really into jobs, titles and all that BS. And then I have what I need to be even more succinct. 😎
So glad for this comment Matt. I will often try to divert the conversation in this manner as well.
And just yesterday I saw a good video on how to do it. Instead of the “what do you do”, ask “what are you doing right now that is exciting for you?” Or, “do you have anything exciting going on right now?”
Immediately, whoever you are talking to is encouraged to talk about whatever it is they love to do. Which for most probably isn’t work.
I’m gonna give this a try ….at least in the situations where I remember to 🤣🤪
This is a great alternative. Used it twice today at a kids’ birthday party and it was great. One parent almost seemed to be relieved to not talk about work.
Used it today myself for the first time as well, worked like a charm!
I have a few answers to this question depending on who’s asking, how interested I think they actually are, and my mood at the moment. “I’m in marketing.” “I work at a marketing agency.” “I’m a copywriter and creative director.” “I’m a writer.” I should probably just choose one and be done with it.
When I’m the asker, I really am interested. I love to ask people questions about their jobs, especially if I don’t know much about their profession.
Same. And also same to your primary point: it’s pretty obvious when someone is just asking in a bs way, and when someone is legitimately interested.
I’m always interested when I ask. However, that interest certainly wanes when I get an answer that sounds boring to me.
You’re a CPA? Sweet. On to the next question.
Sorry to all the CPA’s on Substack 😄
Poor CPAs. Deservedly or not, they really are the stereotypical “boring job” punching bag. My best friend is a CPA. I should ask him if he hears that a lot.
Probably. My wife is an actuary, most folks have the same assumption of that job.
I DREAD this question since deciding to stay home with my daughter two years ago. I truly never know how to answer. I am not done forever in my field, but I am on pause. However it’s seems like way too much to share 😂
Yes, this is me essentially. It’s a long answer and I know the vast majority of people that ask me this question really don’t wanna hear the actual answer.
Yesssss! I have started rotating through three titles and it’s FASCINATING the difference in reactions!
That’s funny, I have 3 as well….but no good answers to the inevitable follow up questions I get after using any of them.
If the comment section on this piece tells me anything, I really just need to start saying “writer” and be ok with people judging me on the fact that I haven’t published anything traditionally.
They’re gonna judge me anyway right?
Goll-darn labels. At my paid job, my time is split between being an executive assistant and a liaison to a board of trustees. I get paid one salary for both but people get much more excited about my work managing board activities than staff activities. Go figure.
Interesting. I wonder why?
It’s my most dreaded question because the answer is a novella.
I can never just say, “I’m a writer,” because of the inevitability of the next question: Oh, what do you write?
That’s one of my big hang ups with saying that.
90% of the time when I tell people that I am writing (I can’t yet say “I’m a writer”) …the next question I get is “did you write a book?”
I should start answering that question with, “Do you read books?”
🤣🤣🤣
Or, have I read anything you’ve written?
Um, well, have you seen any billboards on I-95? 🤣
Exactly.
And….I’m assuming that means there are some billboards on the eastern seaboard that are Andrea specials???
There are, there are... :) West coast, too.
I always answer the question of “what do you do” with this: “I’m a writer.” Even though that’s not currently my job title. I am currently in fundraising, donor engagement, specifically. But since grade 4, I’ve known I was a writer and would be a writer…whether I get paid to do so or not. For most of my career, I did do writing in some form or another. And technically, I do write thank you notes to donors, currently. But I always say “writer,” because it is my identity. It is who I am.
Good for you, Angie! And some of the best writing is unpaid. (I'm not saying that's how it should be; it's just the unfortunate current state of the world).
I am trying so hard to have that be my answer. The other day I met a new person and they asked me that question….I chickened out and said I was “trying” to be a writer. I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to just say it.
Henny, I encourage you to embrace the fact that you are a writer, because you ARE writing! And if that’s the answer you want to give, give it…own it bravely and boldly. You are living it, so might as well share it!
Just screenshotted that, gonna keep it in my camera roll for encouragement. Thanks Angie 👊🏼
Yay!
I just need to ask, what potency gummies are you currently taking? Asking for a friend :)
Shrooms 🍄🟫
🤣😉
Just saying, there's some deep thinking going on there for sure.
I used to say "I am a web developer," now I say "I'm a web consultant".
I used to only build websites, but now I oversee marketing, SEO, and a team of devs.
But I do the work still, so I can answer either way. It depends on who is asking.
When a random person asks, what’s your answer….and what’s their usual response?
I usually say I build websites and do marketing and SEO for businesses.
Their response is usually something along the lines of "oh that's cool".
If it's a lead/prospective client, I say "I can help get you leads and new customers" and then I'll explain how we do that.
And that's by either fixing up a website by adding new content, or building a new one, and then doing local SEO, and maybe some marketing, like Google ads, social ads, various things - depending on their industry.
And the response to that is typically "What are the next steps?"
And that's because I've already researched their business and have prequalified them, so I already know that's what they want. They want more leads, more customers, and more income.
And that's exactly what I can do for them, so they are receptive to that concept, and it's helping rather than selling/pitching.